My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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