Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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