i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
