Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
