It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please don't give away my fajitas
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