mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
