TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
