In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
