anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
