Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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