he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize