I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
