Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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