Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
