Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
