I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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