More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
