Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
