Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
