so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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