He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dignity is for republicans.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
