You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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