Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
