i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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