I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
