my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
