I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
