You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
