Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
