I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
