I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
