did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
