I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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