He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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