Your mouth is God's brothel.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
