My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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