he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
