***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
