omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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