Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
