got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize