I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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