She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
