Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
