Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You made out with two different species that night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
