The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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