I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
