peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
