Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
