My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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