If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
