I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
