My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
