i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
