When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
tell me about the fingering
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
