i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
