There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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