Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
