I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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