I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
