I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
